We can all know what disappointment feels like. It’s not much fun. For me it brings on sadness. And once again I know it’s time to feel my feelings. That’s not much fun either when you’re feeling disappointed; about something changing in your life or another person’s life. Or perhaps you attempted to cook a fantastic meal and it totally flopped? Maybe it’s an event you went to and your expectations were not met, didn’t even come close.
So here I am today thinking about disappointment and the feelings it invokes and deciding it’s a good topic to share. Our world seems to accept that we will deal with sad times, but I rarely come across someone willing to really talk about sorrow. Even now, I find it challenging to write about a topic that’s not so upbeat. But isn’t that what we need? Somehow to find a way to dig down deep inside ourselves and discover what really causes the sorrow? Otherwise, just like the picture above, don’t we add layer upon layer, building blocks of disappointment that we don’t acknowledge, yet somehow convincing ourselves this is the answer? You know, just bury it.
I went to my yoga class this morning and my wonderful and talented instructor, Beccca, always ends our class with words of wisdom. Today she read, “If you choose not to find joy each time the rain comes, you will have less joy, but the same amount of rain.” It seems the Universe was throwing out some wisdom. And I really love the word “choose” in this statement. Decades ago in Al-Anon, a twelve step program for families and friends of alcoholics, I was given the gift of knowing I always have a choice. Everyday. All day long. All my life. I actually used to think if I ever wanted to change my name from Joan Marie to a different middle name, I would name myself Joan Choices. It was that powerful for me.
But this can be a quandary when it comes to feelings. Remember, feelings are not facts, but we do need them to be validated. And I believe I always have a choice with how I feel, and I know at times I need to allow my feelings some time. Whether those feelings are disappointment, sorrow, anger, or on the opposite spectrum, happiness, confidence, positivity, I can choose to let each emotion flow all around me. Swirling up and down on a scale from tiny to volcanic depending on the reason for the feeling. Maybe even becoming a Drama Queen in my own imagination and processing of that feeling. And then, then! Once I’ve honored that emotion, I can begin to choose, to once again find my joy, find my serenity, find the best plan of care for me. I understand that I could talk to ten people about any feeling that I am experiencing, but in the end it’s all up to me. It’s an inside job. It’s MY attitude, MY choice.
And knowing that empowers me.
c Love, Joan
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Joan! I love your yoga teacher’s quote. And yes, the first step toward joy is letting our feelings flow through us. That in itself is a choice. Happy writing to you!
Thanks Lisa dear! Letting our feelings flow! Yes!
I love your yoga instructor’s inspirational words Joan! I will remember those and choose joy!
Thank you beautiful Lady! Sending you more Joy!
❤️🙏
Hi beautiful lady! :O) Sending you love!
Thank you for sharing, Joan. Yes, we are always at choice – but it does take some energy to choice to look for the good, the blessings and not let the negative emotions turn disappointments into a paralysis in our life. A phrase I choose often as life unfolds is – I could choose peace instead of this. Trying not to bury disappointments but training my mind to find a better perspective to view my experience. You are so wise and so brave for talking about these hard topics. Thank you!
Thanks Rick! Choosing peace, yes!
Disappointments lead to something new. I like to acknowledge the disappointment but not hang on for more than a few minutes. This reminds me of broken dishes. When I break a dish I let it go. The other day not so easy. It was two china bowls of my Grandmother’s. I’ve been using them every day along with all the other China, but somehow breaking those two bowls made me hold on to the sadness longer than usual. Everything changes. Nothing stays the same.
You are a wise, beautiful Lady! Thank you! :O)
Good Morning All,
The spiritual theme we’re working with in the LCSL community is Doubt. Regarding what most of us would prefer to do with either doubt or disappointment, to me it feels like these are a matched set of twins in human experience. I will be giving this some thought, running what I’ve discovered about doubt recently and seeing where there are similar insights through the lens of disappointment.
I really appreciate the image and quote you left to accompany this, Joan. The reality of how little things build up to be overwhelming in impact is part of what makes it hard to acknowledge disappointment sometimes. When we try to express it, mentioning that latest little thing seems inconsequential, so it feels odd, and sometimes even silly to express it. But, we don’t tend to recognize in the moment that it is much more than just one thing. — Great food for thought.
Thanks Rev. Vicky! :O)
I love the picture you painted with words, Joan: To hold /embrace pure joy vs. polluting our minds and bodies with layers of undealt with emotion, and to understand what we are wanting and needing, it’s important to visit with and acknowledge whatever feeling is standing in front of joy…. That you do this regularly makes it easier for me to sink into your joyful moods; they feel genuine. And I feel comfortable admitting to you when I am in process with cloudy emotions. I feel safe being “real” with you… And not so alone. I feel your compassionate trust that I will capably take responsibility for my inner my work like you do, growing in self knowledge and self care in the process … Thank you for your relatable honest post and visual! You provide good company and modelling for fellow spirits wanting to acknowledge and deal with (but not wallow in) the challenges of being human.
Oh beautiful Lady! You have such wonderful prose with the pen! You are one of the most authentic, “real” people I know and I love you!
Joan, as always you come through with exactly what I need to hear! I am dealing with hurt and disappointment in some of my siblings right now who have decided to exclude me from their circle over mixed messages they have sent. It’s so complicated and I’m trying hard to focus on all the good things in my life. It’s not mine to own so I’m choosing to give them time to hopefully see the truth. Choices! Today I choose joy!
Thank you for sharing beautiful Lady! That can be so difficult at times. If you are like me it can really bother me because at times I simply cannot figure out WHY people can act like they do. You are a wise woman to understand it is “not mine to own”. Sending you love!