She was a tiny lady, no more than five foot tall with beautiful silver hair and a smile that she flashed often…with her own real teeth mind you! I would have guessed her in her late eighties and she was delightful to talk with on any subject. She had no memory issues, or as us nurses like to say, “she is oriented times three”. (person, place, time) Her name was Barbara.

“I’m going up to my apartment now and guess what I am going to do?” she asked me.

“What?” I replied.

“As little as possible,” she said, giving me a wink and flashing her smile again.

I was visiting with my step dad Ray at his assisted living community last Monday. We were sitting at a dining room table with a few of his friends, all over eighty years old. Ray will be 96 years young on May 26, 2024, and he is a gem! He is fairly strong still, and smart. He uses a walker whenever he ambulates, indoors or outdoors, and works on puzzles most everyday. I love to talk with him. He too has no memory issues, and we often talk about his days in the navy. He joined when he was only 17 years old. Later he married his first wife and they raised a family together. I think Ray was somewhere around the age of eighty when he married my mom, who passed five years ago at the age of 86. We both still miss her.

I always try to time my visits when he is in the dining room eating lunch. I never know who I will be sitting next to, but I enjoy all his friends. Every one of these elderly folks teach me things when I spend time with them. Monday we talked about what state we were born in. Alice is a grey haired little lady who always seems to be smiling and she proudly told us she was from Kokomo, Indiana. Barbara and Ray were both born here in Louisville. Sue grew up somewhere “close to Elizabethtown, Ky.” And Ryan? He is 87 years young, with broad shoulders standing tall and straight, and surprisingly very muscular. He still has quite a bit of silver colored hair, thick and wavy. I would have guessed him in his late sixties! Always the gentleman he never fails to push out of his chair to stand to pull my chair back before I sit down. He could only remember he was born somewhere in Minnesota, which somehow set him off on a story where he had met a woman in a bar as tall as him and she ended up popping another man in the nose! I have no idea why nor if the story is even true. Ryan unfortunately has memory issues. It is why he lives in this community. But we all listen with respect and attention. His stories are fun.

We talked about events in their pasts. World War II, Victory Gardens, days when ice and milk were delivered everyday to their homes. Ray’s dad delivered ice in the summer and coal in the winter with a horse and wagon. So much hard work for all of them all their lives, and so much change. Now, here they were, days of leisure, and I believe most days of great contentment.

I told them I am retiring as a nurse in a few weeks. They all congratulated me, smiling and happy for me.

“I am ready to slow down”, I said. “My question is how do you do that?”

“Just do what you want to do,” said Alice. “The rest all waits for you anyway,” she added with a laugh.

“Stop. Stop trying to do so much all the time,” my stepdad Ray chimed right in. He waved his right hand in front of his face. “Let it go and enjoy your life.”

That’s when Barbara gracefully stood up from her chair and grabbed hold of her walker with both hands, asking me to guess what she was going to do up in her apartment.

“As little as possible,” she says. It bears repeating, at least for me. I’m not so good at slowing down. Not yet. But I have to admit that “as little as possible” grabs me, makes me smile. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll actually do it!

c   Love, Joan