Dear Reader,

I haven’t written for a few days. Like you, I have been very busy, perhaps too busy. And life moves on doesn’t it? I already understand I sometimes stay busy so I don’t have to process difficult thoughts related to challenging times. Afterall, if one stays busy who has time to really process things that life puts in one’s face. Things that are rather painful to look at, painful to emotionally take on because who wants to feel grief or fear.

My darling Man, Alan, took a few photos of a double rainbow arching high over Our Treehouse last week. Our dear friend, Debbie, was in town visiting us and she was able to witness that fabulous rainbow… no, rainbows! What a gift it was to us on a warm summer evening when the rain had moved in, then slowed to a soft drizzle accompanied by brilliant sunshine! Those rainbows hung out high in the sky for at least thirty minutes. What a treat for the three of us! I heard later from friends and family that they too had a double rainbow shining above their homes. How magical is that? All of us in different locations yet viewing the same rainbows. Yet sometimes in life it’s very challenging to see the magic in a rainbow.

Years ago I came to interpret the sighting of a rainbow as a personal promise of God for whatever I needed to put out there to the Universe. And a few years before that in the twelve step program of Al-Anon, families of alcoholics, I learned I must, Gasp! actually learn to feel my feelings. “Walk through the fire” as they say. Because if I don’t feel my feelings, like grief and fear, then I cannot possibly process them and allow them to move through me and teach me the lessons they were meant to teach me. Feelings can sit inside of a person and fester, one can become “frozen” and life becomes more difficult, more scary, and certainly does not release any sadness or other not-so-fun emotions. It is my belief if we carry all that negative energy around we cannot live fully. We are not able to be consciously aware and present, and certainly cannot see JOY running down the street to greet us. We miss out on a lot when we stuff our feelings.

A few days ago I accompanied Chickie, one of the Foxy Hags, to the veterinary office to have her fifteen year old dog, Dylan, euthanized. I have been in such a room before with my own beloved pets. Probably, Dear Reader, you have too. That time in our lives is such a painful time, letting go of a beloved friend and family member that is not in human form. I loved Dylan too, and dearly love Chickie. It was hard on my heart to see her so sad and grieving, and to say good-bye to that special dog, Dylan. I was so glad to be there with them, and offer them both comfort with my presence. It really is an honor to share in the grief of friends.

Recently I have been told one of my beloved Foxy Hags has been diagnosed with a serious illness. What is going on? How does one accept that someone you love is facing hardship, difficult decisions, possibly physical pain, and certainly emotional pain. As a survivor of tongue cancer I understand all of the above. Now I am learning what a feeling of powerlessness I feel because I want to help, I want to fix, and I can’t. That’s when fear wants to enter my mind and be the boss. That helps no one.

When I was a hospice nurse I think I met the most incredible, courageous people. My patients and their families and friends taught me so much. Always oodles of graciousness and kindness were shown to me. So much laughter and many smiles were given to me. How do we do that? Surrounded by life events that truly suck, yet we find the strength and the will power to move through it all so gracefully. Maybe that’s it, somehow, through Grace.

I have heard of the Rainbow Bridge, waiting for our pets to cross over when they pass, where they will be happy and wait for us, reuniting with us when we pass. It’s a comforting thought. I hope it’s true and believe it is quite possible. I don’t have the answers. And I’m simply not able to say why we must endure hard times. I just know we do. All of us take our turn “in the tumbler” as my old friend Mo used to say. We can’t see the whole picture. That includes the rainbows we can’t see either some days. But I believe there is always a kind hand, a smile, a sweet word, a soft kiss, or a warm embrace, from someone who sees the rainbows in us.

c   Love, Joan