I backpedaled fast! Really fast! I couldn’t believe it! I was seeing Skunk in the daytime, only three feet in front of me while I was out on my prayer walk one morning last week. OK. Maybe it was more like thirty feet in front of me, but my brain lit up like a brightly lit birthday candle and sent signals to my legs and feet to move fast! And not forward, but backwards. And I did just that, tugging on Reddogg’s leash to convey the message that we were quietly but effectively leaving the scene, each foot stepping back quietly, one at a time, and moving back down the farmer’s driveway. His nose apparently had a delayed response because one second he was compliant and the next second he was straining forward, trying to investigate what his olfactory senses were telling him: there was a skunk just a few feet away! But I was not going to let him win this particular tug-of-war and we headed back home.

I had been looking intently at a wildflower, a periwinkle blue Chicory blossom. I have loved that color for a long time. In fact, the original color of my basement in Our Treehouse had been painted a periwinkle blue. It is now a marshmallow white. Almost the same color as the white stripe down that skunk’s back. When I glanced up from studying the wildflower, I remember thinking what a pretty little animal that skunk was with its black and white fur, followed by the thought, “What the heck! Why is there a skunk out here with me in the daytime? Get out of here, Joan!”.

When I returned home I Googled about Skunk. Skunk has poor eyesight, which could explain the possibility that Skunk never knew that Reddogg and I were in the vicinity. She seemed focused on a mission, possibly foraging for food, which can be a common reason a skunk is out and about in the morning hours. So then I looked up the Native American Indian meaning of a skunk sighting in your life. Skunk represents flattering characteristics: courage, determination, self assurance, and non-violent standing up for yourself. I would like to think I have all of the above for my own self at this time in my life. And then Skunk got me to thinking about my life.

I remember in my younger years I didn’t see myself as very courageous or self-assured. I often had regrets because of mistakes I had made for my life. I took on feelings of guilt and shame. I would think at times if only I could “backpedal” back into time I would choose more wisely. I would see red flags I chose to ignore. I would not make those mistakes, which meant I would not put myself in a position of choosing to carry around the guilt and shame. I would have been that perfect person who was so intelligent and really had her life together, just like I used to think so many people around me did. Obviously I had a lot to learn. :O)

I had supper with my daughter Jano last night. That beautiful Girl is so amazing and loving and one of the best communicators I know. I was very surprised when she shared with me she still had feelings of guilt in past areas of her life. I told her that was false guilt and it did not serve her, nor does it serve the rest of us. I explained to her this world needs us to be compassionate with ourselves, because then we can truly be compassionate with others. We all make mistakes and we are each accountable only for ourselves, and not responsible for another person’s behavior, behavior we cannot control.

I know now I have always been a courageous soul. We all are. Just traveling our own journey here on Earth is quite the feat in my mind. It’s when we have more tools along the way that we can navigate this journey with more confidence. Tools like courage, compassion, self assurance, and certainly gratitude. Gratitude for lessons well learned and having no regrets because that’s really all about forgiveness for myself anyway.

Life is Good! I no longer dream about any time in my life where I wish I could “backpedal”. I concentrate on doing the best I can one day at a time. That word “backpedal” is reserved only for encounters with my furry little friend, Skunk!

c   Love, Joan